I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
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He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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