so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize