Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
As shirtless as possible
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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