; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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