using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
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She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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