Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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