HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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