If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
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I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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