I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize