If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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