It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
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I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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