Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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