Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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