They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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