I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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