I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize