apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize