that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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