It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
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Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
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If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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