If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
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the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
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i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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