Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
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