We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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