If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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