I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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