I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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