i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
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