I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
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Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
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