i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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