I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
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I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize