Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
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I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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