I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize