You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
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if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize