That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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