i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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