Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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