There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize