if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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