woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am one with the molecules
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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