I wish I could teleport
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
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Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
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I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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