the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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