Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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