I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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