i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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