just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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