I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize