Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
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I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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