I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize