I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize