My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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