to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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